An open letter #2

4.21p  9/6

Dear Darya

I’ve never been good at apologies, but I have been pretty good at saying something harsh in the moment out of anger. I’ve been like that my whole life, my temper is short and my patience is even shorter.

I never had the intention of hurting anyone, but sometimes these things happen. Maybe you said something out of turn or maybe I made a comment that was not ok. I know I’ve done that my fair share of times.

So I’m here to say sorry.

This is an “I know it’s too late but you deserve an apology” kind of apology, so here we go.

Most importantly I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry the words I spoke cut deeper than I could ever imagine. I’m sorry for the times I caused you upset. I’m sorry that we’ll never get the chance to really talk about it. I’m sorry you didn’t hear it from me.

I’m sorry I was not brave enough to say it to your face, even though that’s what you deserved.

I know that there are two sides to every story, but more than that I know I was in the wrong. I never wanted to hurt you, that was never my intention. I let my own feelings for the situation overtake me and forgot that you would feel it too, and the most important is I love you.

I personally believe that there are some things that an apology will never fix, and if I were you, this would be one of them. What I did was wrong, how I treated you was wrong, and you deserve to be as angry with me as you need to be for as long as you would like. Just please know that I truly am sorry.

You didn’t deserve that, no one deserves that. If someone did what I did to you, to me, I would feel worse than I do now.

You did some things that hurt, but that does not justify my behavior. We used to be close, and what I did changed that forever. I know that our relationship will never be like it was, please just know I miss you.

I miss the long talks and the chats. I miss being able to sit with you and talk about everything. You were everything.

Our memories will never be replaced. I’ll make different memories, but I will always remember the ones I made with you. I know we won’t have the chance to make new ones, and I know that’s my fault.

You might not ever read this, in fact you probably won’t, but I had to say it anyway.

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