Future without you

6:23a 17/12

Dear Darya

Imagine if I have future without you, Oookay, don’t write about future first, let’s check this year, it’s still without you right?

I have lack of trusting myself, I don’t want to share anything about me, even I don’t want to share anything what I know, for ex, I know how to make a software or something shit like that, but I don’t want to show it, because I am thinking about you, my brain is fully reserved for you, maybe it looks like this:

I have lack of money, I don’t have saving anymore. I forgot have I tell you about this or not, last saving what I have was, a year ago, I use it for my trip to Vietnam, to you, yes, that was it, I chase my love and I… same as you, make myself upside down to stay together with you, until I got deported 😐

And now, I can’t work, and I can’t get any money, I even didn’t live with parents if you want to know, sounds crazy and you won’t believe thou, but I live homeless, crazy eh?

Yes, I am, I make myself stupid, just to thinking about you, I tried to contact you but you fully hate me. So, I decide to not doing anything for myself.

Maybe you will ask, don’t be silly, then how you will get some eat, ha ha ha ha…

Okay, I write Russian lessons in my another blog, located here https://anggiemaya.net/learnrussian . And I put advertising there, so if visitor came and click that adv, I got money from it, how much I get it from that? Haaa.. It’s $0,1/view and $0,5/click (If somebody click that adv). So, at least I need 10 people for one portion of noodle, but it’s not that easy, I can only withdraw if it reached about $100 🙂

Yes, my life sucks, no, it’s not because of you, it’s because i’m stupid, that I can’t think if I’m losing you. I never blame you, only myself, sometimes I asked myself “Why I make her bad? I am too egoistic for that.”.

It happened already, I just want to fix it, that will be my aim for my entire life,

I don’t want anything, only you.

Heey, what about future without you? Hah, just check how was me during this year. 🙂

I miss you so much

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.