Insomnia Part VI – Tired

It’s almost 3am

And again, can’t sleep

I’m tired, Several months ago, I got another job, just to find distraction, but failed, I can’t work in a good way, my brain is always switched off, I can’t find a distraction for it, then I decided to resign and ran away from people, being alone in a calm condition, and again I can’t ran away from you. Proved that I wrote a lot of junks here.

How about you? I can hear that you successfully get a distraction, consist not to contact me, focus on your work, get chance to go to the U.S. and finally, get busy and maybe your love is growing again, but not for me anymore.

You survived, congratulation! No, it doesn’t mean that I want you to suffer, never! But I want to survive also, but I can’t.

The more I’m trying to avoid you, the more I feel love about you, I don’t know why. Maybe I’m just too sensitive, and yes, it hurts me.

I tried everything to save my life, but I am failed. And I’m just suffering 8 months(and still running) of depression.

And for Darya

I understand what you mean, you just stopped your story for me, you told me that you will love me silently, I translated that as, everything is over for me, and you ask me to wait for proposal, I can understand that you reject me in a soft way, because I understand you don’t want to tell me directly to keep my heart and feeling ok, and you also don’t want to hope I also understand that you don’t want me to hope for you. I understand, yes I understand everything.

I’m sorry for what I’ve done, and again sorry for my “trying to fix you” effort, I understand that you won’t forgive me, and I also understand that “.. It must come to an end” for you, I also understand that you won’t give me second chance, even thou I wrote 100 love letters, climbing mount Everest, swimming around oceans.. Your heart is completely closed for me again.

Several last months, I promise you this and that, and I am trying to fulfill my past promises, but again, you don’t believe me, I should understand to go back where I am from, even I don’t know where I am from.

You’re too special to give up on love just yet. You’re too beautiful and too smart to give it up.

So, go live your life. Take baby steps. Smile at the guy who just moved in next door.  Don’t shut yourself off from the world. Don’t let one person from the past dictate what you do now.

It’ll be worth it again to say ‘I love you’. It’ll be so, so worth it to love again.

You have too much love inside of you to close off your heart. You have too much love inside of you to lose your hope. So, fall over and over again until you meet someone who makes you realize that love is always worth falling for.

Try to forget me who always love you.

Good luck.


Anggie – Who always love you and don’t know how to stop it.

I’m trying not to write anything here anymore, don’t know  how and where to heal my painful heart


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