It was a memorably awful year – December 2017 to January 2018
I’m now 30 and devasted but I trudged through the year doing what I needed to do taking care of the details, keeping up with my work, feeling numb, joyless and very much alone.
Then one of my colleague , recognising my pain, gave me an assignment to write an article about complicated grief that required me to interview several therapists. (This was some years before I became a therapist of myself.)
Somebody said that going through grief is like giving birth: sometimes the pain is overwhelming and seems unbearable, but then there are little times in between where the pain abates somewhat, when joy and relief can suffuse one’s being and make one stronger for the next wave of pain, tak blyat, I will never feel how’s like giving birth.
Later I realised that I was missing opportunities for pain-relieving joy because I felt guilty about feeling pleasure or, heaven forbid, laughing when my love one was gone and my life had changed so profoundly.
I discovered then and through the years to come that there is great value in learning to laugh between one’s pain.
Laughing between your pain can reconnect you with your life before and can give you hope for the future.
Grief is a process to work through. Tears can be healing. But letting yourself feel moments of joy along the way can help your healing as well. As you grieve the loss of a loved one, you may laugh over funny, happy memories, endearing quirks, of the person you’ve lost or you may find yourself suddenly delighted by something or someone in the present: a sweet animal companion, a precious grandchild’s antics, a chance comment by someone dear to you and feel a reprieve from your sadness with an infusion of joy. Allow yourself to feel that joy and lightness when it happens. It is a sign of life going on beyond the pain, a sign that you will survive this, maybe. 🤪
Laughing between the pain can be a way to bear the unbearable.
0729 LT / 0029 Z
WIPP , 22/01/22
WIPP 212300Z 2200/2224 32008KT 9999 SCT010 TEMPO 2200/2203 5000 -RA BKN010 TEMPO 2221/2224 3000 BR